Monday, May 19

Handicapping the Veepstakes


John Edwards

- shared message of change and battle against entrenched corporate interests in Washington
- leading progressive figure in the Democratic party
- strengthens Obama’s support with white males
- helps in North Carolina, a potential swing state
- nice hair

- track record of not quite, like, you know, winning elections
- suffers in the vital “people who hate sons of millworkers” demographic

Joe Lieberman

- makes Obama look much, much taller
- theoretically helps with independent voters
- reassures voters that unpleasant-but-survivable status quo will remain essentially untouched
- his nomination would ensure that David Broder, David Brooks, George Will, and Mickey Kaus would all get such massive erections that they would die of lack of blood flow to the brain

- is Joe Lieberman
- no, seriously, is Joe Lieberman

Kcarab Amabo, AKA The Mirror Universe Barack Obama

- All of the genius and inspiration of Barack Obama
- Just as likeable as Barack Obama
- In a pinch can replace Barack Obama if he shaves his goatee

- Evil
- Like, whoa, totally evil
- We are so not kidding about the evil

1 comment:

Matt said...

Oh my gosh! John Edwards dad worked in a mill? I had no idea. I don't think he ever mentioned it.

Next you're going to tell me that John Kerry served in VIet Nam.