Friday, December 7
Rocking the Rascal
George: They gave me my own personal Rascal, Jerry.
Jerry: Well, it's comforting to know that you'll be going straight to hell at no more than three miles per hour.
If you ever wanted to travel senior citizen steez, this is your chance. Woot is offering up the Invacare Zoom Blue Scooter for the low, low price of $399. Call it what you want -- we all know it's a Rascal.
All of this time you were walking under you own power, battling gravity like a sucker, when you could have been rolling deep in this beauty. Top speed, 4.5 mph.
I'm thinking of getting one for my trip next weekend to The Villages, a 55 and over retirement metropolis in central Florida (population 68,768). The preferred local mode of transport is the pimped-out golfcart, but maybe I'll change all that.
I've told everyone that I'm going to visit my grandparents (happy birthday Nana!) but in actuality I'm just scoping out the place as my future home. Only 23 years to go! And only 3 years until I can swim in the 35 and over pool. They don't like those raucous 34-year-olds splashing around and making a nuisance.