Thursday, March 16

How to Survive a Robot Uprising

(Recommended listening: "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots")

I, for one, would like to welcome our robotic overlords. But they do pose problems for day-to-day survival. To quote Old Glory, the world's leading supplier of insurance against robot attacks, "When they grab you with those metal claws, you can't break free -- because they're metal, and robots are strong." (see video below)

Luckily, David H. Wilson has compiled a handy guide to surviving the coming robot onslaught. You can trust him, he's a doctor -- in robotics!
Sensors are by far the most vulnerable, exposed parts of any robot. Destroy or disable outward-facing sensors such as cameras. A handful of dirt, mud, or water will suffice. It is hard for a robot to wipe mud from its eyes when it has whirring buzz saws for hands.
You know Wilson is bringing the smart when the eggheads at Google -- who are vying for their own "I, for one, welcome our new [insert name here] overlords" status -- invite him for an emergency briefing.

A long list of robot countermeasures here, including:
1. Vote emergency powers to the Supreme Chancellor. He'll create a clone army ...
2. Launch multiple nuclear strikes to bring about nuclear winter and deprive the robots of solar power.
3. Send someone back in time to kill the original designer.

In the robotic overlord system there are two separate but equally important groups: the robots who attack senior citizens and the companies that insure against them. These are their stories. Chung Chung.

No comments: