Wednesday, December 21
Bow down before the totally radical He-Man/She-Ra crossover Christmas special!
He-Man/Prince Adam: So that's how Christmas first came to Eternia. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, but the spirit of the Christmas season is within us all. It's a season of love and joy and caring.
Orko: And presents!
He-Man: (Chuckling) Presents are nice, Orko, but Christmas means much more than that.
Orko: I know, Adam. Christmas is a time of peace and caring and happiness.
He-Man: That's right, Orko. And what would make you happiest this Christmas?
He-Man: Oh, Orko!
The 45 minute cartoon/infomercial is nakedly geared toward selling toys such as the He-Man Helicopter Dildo (see below).
Tuesday, December 20
Check out this excellent video, produced by design gods Ray and Charles Eames, that starts with a man in a park, zooms out 10x, then 10x again, ad infinitum, until you're looking at thousands of galaxies, then back in again until you are staring at a single carbon atom in the guy's DNA.
Made way back in the day for the exponent-loving geeks at IBM, with music by soundtrack maestro Elmer Bernstein.
Posted by Quickr FlickrHo Ho Hoyay! To celebrate Christmas, the MP3 blog Copy, Right? has posted 15 -- count 'em, 15! -- cover versions of the perennial Wham! yuletide favorite "Last Christmas," along with the excellent photo of George M. and Andrew R. showing off their Xmas spirit. Uh, guys, I don't think Santa actually rides his reindeer, but go 'head and do your thang.
Friday, December 16
Great fake SNL commercial on the Woomba, a feminine hygiene robot from the makers of the Roomba, which brutally lampoons all of those soft-focus commercials that promise to end that "not so fresh feeling."
"It's a robot and it cleans my business -- my lady business -- and I like that," exclaims Tina Fey (above).
Cut to a typical scene of a woman skipping carefreely through the forest, only to find that she's frantically trying to escape the Woomba, which clearly has a mind of its own.
Frighteningly, its "beedee beedee" sound effects suggest it may be the bastard child of Twiki from Buck Rogers and the Hamburglar.
"Once Woomba has been activated, it is entirely self-sufficient. IT CANNOT BE TURNED OFF. Woomba will address your personal feminine hygiene needs whenever and wherever it thinks best."
You can run from robotic feminine hygiene, but you cannot hide.
Other great SNL fake ads: Dan Ackroyd's Super Bass-O-Matic, The Oops I Crapped My Pants adult diaper, The Love Toilet ("Because when you're in love, even five minutes apart can seem like an eternity"), Schmitts Gay beer, and (I have to admit I haven't seen this one) Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream.
Thursday, December 15
As it turns out, it wasn't the first time the Queen visited Reuters -- she took a royal spin through the old Fleet St offices back in 1963...Or Did She?!
"At the time, rather surprisingly, the Reuters newsroom was felt to be too rough and tough an environment for the Queen to see. So we created a realistic but sanitized mock-up," said Reuters Group archivist John Entwisle. "This time Her Majesty has seen the real thing."
There are probably a couple of Reuters editors that would be much happier with a Potemkin Village of journalists. But we've certainly come a long way from the Fleet St days -- nowadays, the Reuters newsroom is booze- and tobacco-free (more's the pity), and looks like nothing so much as a telemarketing office with a few extra flatscreen monitors.
The Reuters intranet gushed: "There was no way The Queen could miss out on visiting the largest newsroom in Europe. Guided around the busy 4th floor by Geert Linnebank, Editor-in-Chief and Global Head of Content, even the presence of a Royal on their floor did not deter journalists from filing their stories as usual."
...or buying clothtes on eBay, or watching cricket, or surfing for porn...
At the end of her visit HMQEII "filed" a Reuters story onto the giant screen in the lobby, giving longtime royals correspondent Paul Majendie a coveted dual byline.
Tuesday, December 13
In episode two, the men discuss a BBC story -- since proven to be a hoax, but it really doesn't matter -- headlined "Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight."
Everything you need to know is in the headline, but here's an excerpt:
The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.
Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine."
The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.
Merchant muses: "I wonder if they were fighting against their will. With all due respect to any midgets listening, they must be fairly easy to round up."
Gervais: "No, because a lot of them stand on each other's shoulders and wear a long coat."
Merchant: "But who would want to voluntarily join the midget fighting league?"
Gervais: "Midgets who want a bit of action!"
Merchant: "If I were on the midget fighting team, I'd be thinking, 'I can't believe I listened to my agent. I should have just taken up panto in Grimsby.'"
I vividly remember a tramautic episode from my youth when my parents promised a Chuck E. Cheese outing, only to find when we arrived that it had permanently closed. I was one inconsolable 17 year old.
Monday, December 12
Everything seems to have gone extremely well -- I've had no virtually no pain and I can't tell you how great it just to be able to walk around London again!
A few tidbits to welcome you back:
An Oregon town disposes of a dead whale by blowing it up with dynamite, showering whale parts for more than a mile and destroying at least one car with a large chunk of falling blubber.
Vintage 1970 news footage via Google Video.
You'd think Lillo Brancato Jr would have got the message that organised crime doesn't pay after his "Sopranos" character, Matthew Bevilaqua, got whacked by Tony and Big Pussy in Hacklebarny State Park. But nooooooooo -- He decides to burgle a house, gets surprised by a cop, and in the resulting shoot-out the cop dies and Brancato and his accomplice are critically wounded. Lillo, your onscreen father Robert De Niro ("A Bronx Tale") would be so disappointed. Bonus points: In the B-movie "'R Xmas," Brancato was married to fellow Sopranos whackee Drea De Matteo.
And finally...Xmas is a busy time for photocopier repairmen, what with all the asses being photocopied. "Canon also asked its staff to report the strange objects that they had found in damaged equipment. The list included stockings, a condom, a kitchen knife, a sausage roll and a vibrator - although presumably not all in the same machine."