Monday, June 6

Headline of the Day: "Suspicious package was fake* foot-long plastic penis"

The News-Press of Southwest Florida reports:
The "suspicious package" that caused Interstate 75 and Daniels Parkway to be shut for more than an hour Monday was not an explosive pipe bomb — but rather wrapped-up plastic foot-long penis.
"Someone took construction-grade plastic, molded it into a penis and wrapped it with duct tape," said Lee County Sheriff’s Chief Deputy Charles Ferrante.
But who? And, more importantly, why?!
"They wrote ‘Happy Father’s Day’ on the duct tape," Ferrante added.
Well, that explains it.

The hour-long delay was exacerbated when the item in question was initially described as a prosthetic penis (!) but later downsized to "a paper sculpture made to look like a penis."

And it just keeps getting better:
Deputies eventually arrived and alerted the bomb squad, which used a robot to disable the cylinder.
Can you imagine everyone's faces when they realised what they were dealing with? Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was a local news reporter. Somebody call the Pulitzer committee...

*I hate to quibble with such an inspired headline, but I have to say that "fake" is redundant in this context.

No comments: