Monday, October 25



Alternate captions:
1) "Sacred cow my ass!"
2) "I figure since I can't use it at camp x-ray anymore"
3) "Hey, let's snort coke off this donkey's balls."
4) "This is more fun than killing retards!"
5) "That's what you get you gay, liberal, jew bastard!"
6) "And then you just simply put the voter in what
I call the "freedom machine.'"
7) "Abusing steers get me SOOOOO horny. Get it?
Horny? Guys? Huh? .. SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
8) "Then, after world dominion is achieved,
you shall attack mars"
9) "Alright sug' it's time for some unity. And then
we'll do some healing. I'm the president!"
10) "Fuckin' rad!"

Friday, October 22

Fear and Loathing, Campaign 2004


Hunter speaks:: "If Nixon were running for president today, he would be seen as a 'liberal' candidate, and he would probably win. He was a crook and a bungler, but what the hell? Nixon was a barrel of laughs compared to this gang of thugs from the Halliburton petroleum organization who are running the White House today -- and who will be running it this time next year, if we (the once-proud, once-loved and widely respected "American people") don't rise up like wounded warriors and whack those lying petroleum pimps out of the White House on November 2nd."

Thursday, October 21

Only in...New Zealand


This 3 metre monster of a sunfish -- yes, a sunfish, the kind I once caught 50 of off the dock at cape cod when I was 8 -- washed up at the Farewell Spit yesterday.

In related news, my brother Dan is moving to New Zealand today to seek fun and adventure. Good luck bro!

Bizarre Celebrity Nexus du jour


Bill "Am I a rich dork or a dork who just happens to be the richest man in history?" Gates, Mischa "Now with THREE facial expressions!" Barton and...some guy...strike a pose.

Wednesday, October 20

My best-ever headline

I channeled the "Headless Body in Topless Bar" Gods of snappy tabloid headline writing today and came up (with the help of an editor and a few colleagues) with this gem:

RED FACES AT ORANGE OVER BLUE PHOTOS

LONDON (Reuters) - Mobile phone firm Orange says its picture messaging service can "make someone feel really special."

But when one customer called the company helpline she received some pictures that made her feel outraged instead.

What she expected was a photo from a customer service representative to make sure her camera phone was working. What she got was a series of close-ups his genitals.

"This ex-employee sent some indecent photographs of himself. He was dismissed within a week," an Orange spokeswoman said on Wednesday.

"We've looked into the matter, collated the information and handed it over to the police."

Worldwide camera phone sales are rising fast and expected to total 150 million this year.

Link

Flame-Broiled Whopper: pro-Kerry or pro-Bush?


"We are unlikely to read any quote we like more than the one that appears in this morning's New York Times from corporate spokesguy Eric Anderson regarding his company pulling ads from Sinclair stations:

'Burger King wants to maintain neutrality during this election.'"

-- ABCNews' stellar politics newsletter The Note.

Only in Alaska, kids, only in Alaska

Yes, that is indeed a moose hanging 50 ft in the air, suspended from a power line by his 62" antlers.
"The moose apparently got its antlers tangled in electrical wire before workers farther down the line pulled the line tight," the Fairbanks Daily News reports.

"The prevailing theory is that the moose came across the sagging and swaying wires and, in a testosterone-filled moment, decided to challenge the power line to a fight, as bull moose are known to do during the rut, or mating season."

"It's just an unbelievable story," said Gabriel Marian, president of City Electric Inc., the contractor erecting the power line to the mine. "The only unfortunate part is we had to shoot the moose."

Monday, October 18

"Lost" -- with dummies

Chilling yet spectacular footage of a NASA exercise that crashed a plane full of crash-test dummies into the desert with cameras rolling.

At this point Tucker Carlson realised he was having a very, very bad day...

Jon Stewart opens up an extra-large can of rhetorical whoop-ass on CNN's political talking heads show 'Crossfire', telling the hosts that they're neglecting the public interest and "hurting democracy" by airing a glorified wonk (or is it wank?)fest that's nothing more than a partisan, political version of pro-wrestling.

A few choice excerpts of the exchange between Stewart and right-wing bow-tie wearer Tucker Carlson:





STEWART: Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America. ... Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns.

STEWART: It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it.
CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?
STEWART: Absolutely. You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.

CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.
STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.

After Carlson snippishing tells Jon Stewart, "You're funnier on your own show," Stewart responds: "You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show."
As the show goes to credits, you can hear Stewart say: "Well, that went well."
Transcript
Video

Thursday, October 14

Mmmmm....'shroom chocolates

Look out hippies -- the Feds are hip to your psilocybin confectionary ways.
"The Texas Department of Public Safety Crime Laboratory Service in Amarillo (Amarillo, Texas) recently received a submission of approximately 70,000 chocolate candies (total net mass 154 kilograms), suspected psilocybin mushroom/chocolate concoctions."

Link

Wednesday, October 13

Let your browser do the walking

I love Flickr's slide shows -- enter in a tag like 'Italy' or 'Graffiti' or 'Tokyo' and get an endlessly entertaining stream of photos.

from 'New York'

Friday, October 8

Jib Jab -- The Sequel

The brothers who brought you "This Land" are back with a sequel, "It's Good to be in D.C."
Their crap Website doesn't have a direct link, but go to JibJab.com to check it out.

Thursday, October 7

PILLOW FIGHT!

There is a continually downward-spiralling war in Iraq, car bombs in Pakistan, and if the election were held today Dubya the Dink would most likely crush Kerry, but if we can't take to the streets of London and bash complete strangers with feather- and foam-filled sacks, THE TERRORISTS HAVE ALREADY WON.


Photos from Spoddy via camera phone, and Flickr's excellent London slide show.



If the blond pillow-fighter in the above photo looks impossibly hot -- she is. One of the London tabloids, ever intent on maximum journalistic verisimilitude, sent along a model and a photographer to the event.

Via

"Deaths? What deaths?"

Chilling Slate interview with ex-CIA spook and Watergate burglar E. Howard Hunt on deposing democratically elected governments in Guatemala: "A couple of [CIA and military] officers came down to join me, and it became apparent that there was going to be an effort to dislodge the communist management [laughs]."

Slate: Some 200,000 civilians were killed in the civil war following the coup, which lasted for the next 40 years. Were all those deaths unforeseen?


Hunt: Deaths? What deaths?

Hunt went on to work on planning the Bay of Pigs invasion, and helping the Bolivians track down and kill Che Guevarra

Slate: Do you think anybody back then was thinking this guy would become a cult figure, that he might be more trouble dead than alive?

Hunt: No, nobody had the foresight for that. … What I thought was great foresight was that the Bolivian colonel had Che's hands cut off.

Slate: Why did he do that?

Hunt: So he couldn't be identified by fingerprints.

As a kicker, Slate's Ann Louise Bardach
asks Hunt about Miami CIA station chief David Atlee Phillips, who he hired, and who has been linked by conspiracy theorists (and Oliver Stone. if that's not redundant) to the JFK assasination.

Hunt: [Visibly uncomfortable] I have no comment.

Slate: I know you hired him early on, to work with you in Mexico, to help with Guatemala propaganda.

Hunt: He was one of the best briefers I ever saw.

Slate: And there were even conspiracy theories about you being in Dallas the day JFK was killed.

Hunt: No comment.

Gary Busey vs Dubya (and some ferrets)

Unbelievably surreal and hilarious
Link

Wednesday, October 6