Wednesday, September 29

Ol' Dirty Confessions

To my lone and possibly nonexistant reader, sorry for the absence this week, I've been on the late shift covering Big Important Stuff.

I'll start off tonight with a confession of my own: My one episode of shoplifting was stealing an Ol' Dirty Bastard poster from a Madison, Wisconsin record store in 1995 at the behest of my Wu-loving roomate Dave. I still live with the guilt.

Now let's compare that with the exploits of Ol' Dirty himself (via Brown Cardigan)

"In 1994 he was shot in the stomach by another rapper.

In 1997 he was jailed for failing to pay child support. At the time he was the father for 13 children, and was failing to pay any financial support for any of them for over a year.

In the greatest ever Grammy's moment he jupmed on stage during Shawn Colvin's Best Album acceptance speech and protested against Puff Daddy winning the Best Rap Album award over the Wu-Tang - 'Wu-Tang is for the children. We teach the children.'

At once stage he insisted on being called Big Baby Jesus.

In one of his numerous court cases, a female prosecutor asked him a question and he responded by saying 'Do I make you horny?' and then fell asleep.

He was once arrested in California for driving without a licence and wearing a bullet proof vest. A few weeks later in New York, he was arrested again for possession of cocaine and driving offences. Numerous other arrests saw him charged with possessing a variety of drugs including 20 vials of crack cocaine on one occasion.

When ODB finally went into rehab he didn't last long. While being transported from the court back to the rehab centre he escaping and spent a month on the run as a fugitive. During this time he recording several tracks with the RZA and performed with the Wu-Tang Clan (with police on the door of the premises at the time). He was eventually arrested signing autographs in a McDonald's car park and sentenced to two to four years jail.

When he was finally released from jail he appeared with Mariah Carey and Damon Dash to announce his signing to Jay-Z's Roc-A-Fella Records label.

Earlier this year he announced he will be running for president. When asked why he was doing this he replied - 'To get pussy'.

He is currently the star of his own reality tv show called 'Stuck to ODB' which challenged a normal person to stay within 10 feet of him for 5 days. The prize for winning on the show is $25,000, which will be probably needed for bail, when you get caught as an accessory to whatever criminal activity Ol' Dirty gets up to in 120 hours you spend with him."

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