Wednesday, September 22
I'll take "the Dink" for $100, Alex
I got nuthin but love for The Borowitz Report:
"President George W. Bush has sought answers on Iraq from Ken Jennings, the champion of the popular game show “Jeopardy,” White House aides confirmed today.
Mr. Bush first came to believe that Mr. Jennings might have the answers on Iraq when he saw the game-show whiz on television earlier this summer, telling aides, “That there is the smartest man in the world.”
After contacting Mr. Jennings, White House aides began constructing a mock-up of the “Jeopardy!” set in the basement of the White House and enlisted “Jeopardy!” host Alex Trebek to reprise his usual role.
According to those who saw Mr. Jennings play the special Iraqi version, the champ breezed through most of the questions but was stumped when he got to “EXIT STRATEGIES” for $100.
“The most likely outcome of the war in Iraq, this should happen by the end of 2005,” Mr. Trebek read.
“What is civil war and total chaos?” Mr. Jennings guessed.
“No, I’m sorry,” Mr. Trebek replied. “The correct question is, ‘What is a thriving Middle Eastern democracy and a beacon of hope for the entire region?’”
Mr. Bush, disappointed by Mr. Jennings’ performance, reportedly told aides, “Ken Jennings may be the smartest man in the world but when it comes to Iraq he's as dumb as a post.”