Thursday, December 4

Suggested Names for the Gwyneth/Chris Martin of Coldplay Bastard*

--Gwyneth Paltrow, Jr.

--Christopher Martin of Coldplay, Jr.

--Paris Hilton Paltrow-Martin**

--Anonymous Neverland Litigant #1438 (male baby only)

--Totally Over Ben So The Moody Limey Singer Will Do Paltrow-Martin

--Shakespeare In Utero

--If I Name Her Jennifer Do You Suppose Ben Will Notice Me Martin-Paltrow

--Jaylowe Paltrow I'm Not Taking Any Chances At Ben Not Noticing Martin


[*I acknowledge that the couple in question already may be secretly married or may choose to marry and confer technical legitimacy on the child before its birth next summer. Additionally, everyone knows that talent is diluted as it's passed down, so the best the poor kid can shoot for is a Daytime Emmy or an American Music Award.]

[**So fucking sue me, that bag of sex-tape bones is haunting my dreams!]

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