Wednesday, September 17

Whopper of the Week:

"'No one believes in our First Amendment civil liberties more than this administration.'

—Attorney General John Ashcroft in a speech to the National Restaurant Association, Sept. 15

Link

As for all of those *other* civil liberties...

Amy Sedaris: friend of the animals

Star of "Strangers With Candy," friend of Steven Colbert, brother of David is selling cupcakes as a fund raiser for rabbits at the New Rochelle, NY Ramada.

Would some kind soul pick me up one with sprinkles?

Tuesday, September 16

How to Tell That Your Very High Profile Celebrity Engagement is on the Rocks

--No matter how many times you change the station, it seems that every song on the radio is about a breakup between a square-jawed recovering alcoholic and a full-figured crossover pop/movie star.

--You do not feel even the slightest pang of guilt or fear of discovery while nailing a Canadian exotic dancer named Starlight, even when you could have sworn for a split-second that the strobe light by the stripper pole was actually a paparazzi flashbulb.

--Gossip columns have suddenly started inserting a space in the middle of the cute one-word, combination nickname they'd been using for you and your beloved.

--You're increasingly annoyed that the aftertaste from the nipple glue that held up a very famous, revealing, green Grammy dress has not subsided, leaving you with the nagging suspicion that your bride-to-be's hygiene habits could use a punch-up.

--Suddenly that ample ass on your fiancée is starting to look a lot less 'sexy' and a lot more 'fat.'

--The following two phrases find their way into the same sentence uttered by Michael Musto: 'P. Diddy' and 'rebound fuck.'

Link (From Bunsen.tv)

UPDATE: The national nightmare may be prolonged

David Blaine - Attacked!

An attempt to cut the cable holding Blaine's plexiglass box over the Thames was, alas, unsuccessful. Link

Wanker

Spelling rude words in front of David Blaine. Link

Everybody Stealth Disco!

Watch your back....your coworkers may be shaking their groove thing! Link

Monday, September 15

"In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups..."

These are there stories -- in coloring book form. Duh-Dung

Outsider Videos

Outtakes from an Anna Nicole Smith movie, a VERY drunk Orson Welles, and a demented California self-help group. Link

Friday, September 5

Amish Prank Goes Horribly Wrong

A group of Amish hoodlooms (not a contradiction in terms, apparently) pelts the wrong guy's car with a tomato. Link

"Holmes County, a rural area that has what is believed to be the world's largest Amish population, sees its share of pranks by young Amish people every fall, Chief Deputy Nathan Fritz said.

"They'll steal their neighbor's buggy and put it on top of a building," Fritz said."

Joey Pants!

joeypants.com

Open Letter Dept.

Gawker has something to tell Paris Hilton:

Dear Paris,

It is time for us to intervene. We are concerned about you, master celebutante Paris Hilton. You have done too much, loved too much, slept with Shannon Doherty's ex-husband too much, and certainly have stayed too long at the party. To misquote Joan Didion: Was anyone ever so young? You have been here to tell us that yes, someone was.

You're allegedly starring in a remake of The Great Gatsby with 'N Synch playboy Lance Bass, which defies any comment. Allegedly you have six songs completed for your club music smash hit record. Your reality show with fellow famous daughter Nicole Richie will air in the fall Fox lineup. We really do want to see it: The Simple Life features you and Nicole learning to live on a farm in Arkansas. In fact, we'd spring for pay-per-view to see you two scrubbing out chicken coops. But that's because you've accustomed us to seeing you humiliated. We've come to crave your tragedy. Everyone in Manhattan wants you to trip in those heels and hurt your famous expensive face.

And that's just sick, Paris. Honey? The publicity is getting degrading. New York's familiarity with you has bred vast reserves of scorn. You are overexposed like a Nan Goldin snapshot. And we want you to get better! Any star that burns so very brightly risks being extinguished before her time. Please, please, we beg: give yourself, and us, a vacation.

Sick and Wrong

"Organic, animal-like matter" found in the Conde Nasty building in Times Square. Ominously described as "possibly an animal part," "a fetus" or "intestines." Prada-clad pandemonium ensues. Link

Thursday, September 4

Mark Your Calenders

September 19 is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Yarrrrrrr, me hearties.

Britney Spears on Shrub:

"Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens. " Link®: